When it comes to teaching girls about the world, it's sometimes hard to avoid using cautionary tales. As much as I hate to admit it, the world can be an inhospitable place for a woman. It can be challenging raising brave kids when the world can seem scary. But that’s why it’s so important to do so!

As a parent to a daughter, I occasionally feel anxiety for what my daughter may experience as she grows up. In the era of "Me Too," these fears are certainly not unfounded.

I wonder if she will face sexual harassment as a teen or adult. And I worry that someone may assault her. Every day, I read stories of bad things happening to women, and I fear that one day that story will be about my daughter.

But part of parenting is about preparing your children for the world. It’s about teaching them the skills to navigate tough situations and become confident kids and adults.
This article focuses on my experiences and lessons learned from being a cis-gender woman raising a cis-gender daughter, but my hope is that it can be of value to non-binary and trans folks too. Wherever I use the terms, girl or woman, I am also including trans and non-binary girls and women in that definition.

This article was originally written on June 29, 2016.

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Teaching girls not to fear the world

As parents, our main responsibility is to prepare our kids for the world. If we're teaching girls to venture out into the world, we need to give them the right tools and knowledge to experience it on their own. A good place to start is with a book.

There are many excellent books to read with your daughters to inspire them to travel the world. Here are some age-appropriate suggestions:

• Nobody Owns the Sky: The Story of "Brave Bessie" Coleman by Reeve Lindbergh (for ages 6-9)
• Amelia Earhart: Pioneer of the Sky! (Show Me History!) by James Buckley Jr. (for ages 8-12)
• The Atlas of Women Explorers by Ricardo Francaviglia (for ages 8 and older)
• No Boundaries: 25 Women Explorers and Scientists by Gabby Salazar (for ages 10-15)
• Around the World in Seventy Two Days (And Other Writings) by Nellie Bly (for ages 16 and older)

Exposing your daughters to women who are adventurous is an excellent first step towards teaching girls to be bold. But another step to raising brave kids is to be a good role model. If you want your kids to be bold, you need to be bold too!

For myself, I enjoy reading Wander Woman: How To Reclaim your Space, Find your Voice, and Travel the World, Solo by Beth Santos. This book offers the encouragement women and girls need to release their fear of experiencing the world on their own. It’s a must-read for any female traveler!

A dangerous place for a woman

I’m not going to sugar coat and say it’s easy for a woman to travel alone. I know there are dangers women and girls face when traveling or even just living their lives.

On a trip to Delhi, India with kids back in 2016, we once rode in a taxi with a sticker on it that read, "This Taxi Respects Women." When I first saw it, I thought to myself, "oh, how cute, they like women." But then it dawned on me that the sticker is there to alert women that it’s a safe taxi to ride.

My female Indian coworkers at the time later explained to me that sexual assault against women in taxis and public transportation is all too common in major Indian cities like Delhi. The most well-known case was in 2012 when a 23 year old woman was gang raped by several men on a public bus in Delhi. The men were later convicted, but that case sparked dialogue in India about the male-centric culture that allows these kinds of things to happen.

Those stickers are part of an initiative by the Manas Foundation to teach taxi drivers how to treat their female passengers and how to prevent sexual assault of their female passengers.

What are we teaching girls about the world?

Sadly, this type of thing is not just limited to India, but can happen anywhere in the world. For a place that can be at times unwelcoming to women, how can we, as parents, start teaching girls to love and appreciate the world? How can we be the female role models for our daughters?

For me, that kind of leadership involves being real with our kids. I am not one to shy away from showing my kids the uncomfortable sides of travel. We have seen fancy five star hotels, and the slums that exist right next to them. Our kids have seen beggars on the street, and we talk about how some people don't have enough money to own a house or buy food to eat. Understanding our privilege in travel is important in raising avid travellers.

But the topic of sexual assault is not as easy to discuss. How do we broach that topic when it comes to teaching girls, especially when they’re still young? I hesitate to tarnish our kids’ innocent wonder with the idea that it can be dangerous, especially for a woman. But actually, being real about the world is a very important part of a worldschool education.

Identifying the realities of traveling as a woman

I’ve had my own share of uncomfortable situations, traveling as a girl and a woman. Though most of my experiences of traveling as a woman have been fairly positive, I’ve been propositioned or received unwanted touches on more than one occasion.

One incident I remember the most was in Indonesia. I was visiting a theme park with my mom and sisters. I was thirteen, and waiting in line for a ride. Behind me was a group of teenage boys, maybe eighteen or nineteen, who started touching my sister and me.

They were subtle touches, on my elbows, hands, and waist. Not enough to classify as sexual assault. But it was enough to make me feel uncomfortable and to know that it wasn't right. My mom was oblivious to it all. And I was too young (we were just middle school girls!) and embarrassed to tell her what was going on.

I think about this moment when I think about my daughter, who is now older than I was then. How would I want her to react in a situation like this? 

For a long time I thought to myself, "oh, it's because I was dressed in shorts and a tank top in a conservative country. I should have been dressed more modestly. Then they wouldn't have wanted to touch me at all." But when I think about it, that's exactly the blame-the-victim mentality that perpetuates this type of behavior. Part of teaching girls to be fearless world travelers is teaching them that situations like these are not their fault. Spare them the years of therapy!

Simple tips for raising brave kids

I may be apprehensive of the future, but I'm also hopeful that my daughter will be able to handle any situation she comes upon with confidence and bravery. 

If you’re wondering how to start that conversation with your kids, here are five ways you can empower your daughters to become fearless world travelers.

1. Don't shy away from the uncomfortable

All too often, we think that kids are too young to handle anything unpleasant. We only want to give them happiness and enjoyment.

So we opt to take our kids to places like Disney theme parks or all-inclusive resorts and cruises. Or we only choose easy destinations like Europe or Hawaii.

While I do enjoy being pampered once in a while, I think we do our kids a great disservice by only showing them the comfortable parts of the world. On your next travels, let your kids see some of the things that aren't often highlighted in travel brochures.

Ideas include taking them to off the beaten path cities like Hanoi or Johannesburg. Alternatively, you can visit a war memorial or museum like the ones in Washington, DC. Or you can take cultural tours like the ones we took in Bali, where you see first hand a different way of life. This will truly help them become students of the world!

Let your kids ask questions. Allow yourself an opportunity to talk candidly about why poverty exists, why war happens, why inequality exists, and why sometimes the world is not always a nice place. It may be too early to talk about sexual assault, especially if your kids are young. However, exposing your kids to places that may be slightly uncomfortable for them helps prepare them for the realities of the world.

2. Provide a listening ear

When I was thirteen, I was too afraid to tell my mom what happened because I thought she would simply dismiss it or blame me for it all. Now that I'm a parent, I realize that fostering an open relationship with your child starts at an early age.

On your travels, and even at home, try and provide a listening ear to your kids. If something happens to them, show them compassion and help them feel comfortable in sharing their concerns and worries with you, no matter how trivial and mundane it may seem to you. Later on, when your daughter is older and traveling on her own, she'll feel more comfortable confiding in you when something negative does happen to her.

3. Share stories of fearless women

Showing your kids positive travel role models is such an important part of raising brave kids. History is full of stories of famous adventurers. 

Unfortunately, most of them are men: Marco Polo, Lewis and Clark, Jacques Cousteau, Anthony Bourdain. Not so much is written about female adventurers.

One of my favorite female explorers, Freya Stark, traveled through the Middle East in an age when women rarely traveled outside the home. Nellie Bly was the first woman to circumnavigate the globe. National Geographic has a great compilation of visionary female adventurers.

Reading stories of fearless women helps girls feel empowered to explore themselves. They realize that there are no limits to their exploration and curiosity.

4. Be an example for teaching girls to be fearless

The best thing we can do as parents when we're teaching girls, especially our daughters, is to lead by example. We are our kids’ best teachers! If we want our daughters to be fearless, we need to be fearless ourselves.

True, there are certain cautionary steps we need to teach our kids when we travel. This includes looking both ways when crossing the street, never talking to strangers, or staying with a grown-up in new situations. But don't let these precautions hinder you from going out and exploring.

My daughter sees me traveling on my own. She's seen pictures of the places I've visited. We've talked at great length about places in the world that we want to see together. I know that if I want my daughter to be an explorer, I myself need to be an explorer too.

All of this positive modeling behaviors helps instill a spirit of travel and exploration in her that I hope to continue nurturing as she grows older. Travel is such a core part of her being. Already she’s thinking up plans to take a gap year when she finishes high school!

5. Seek out groups who can support you

I am learning more as I travel that it's hard to operate alone. Having a community who can support you, encourage you, and inspire you can be so valuable.

Over the years, I have joined many online and in-person groups that have helped me to become a better mom and role model for my daughter. One of group I love is Wanderful, which is dedicated to creating a community of women travelers. But I also like Wandering Moms, which focuses on moms who travel with their kids, and the many challenges that come with that role.

I’ve also started my own group: Worldschoolers Traveling Sustainably - Responsible Family Travel. We’re a group of families who are dedicated to ethical and sustainable travel. 

Seeking out and joining communities where you feel valued and supported can help you to do better in valuing and supporting your daughters.

Raising brave kids through honest and open conversations

The world can be a scary place, especially for a woman. And for parents dedicated to raising brave kids, it can be difficult to know what the best path is to fully prepare them for the realities of the world. 

In the end, I don't think there is a straightforward answer. But I do know that being honest and open to those hard conversations is a step in the right direction.

Are you teaching girls to be world travelers? What are your thoughts and insights?

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